Roseanne Barr was recently roasted for a racist tweet she posted. Some people were in an uproar (ie. you don't get to be a racist). Some people were defending her (ie. you get to be a racist if you want to because - free speech). ABC was quick to fire her. Trump was quick to make her predicament inexplicably about himself. The usual controversy.
In the 90's, at the height of her original show's popularity, she has stated her weight was around 350 pounds. She had gastric bypass surgery to lose weight, she had a tummy tuck, and in the last 4 years or so she adopted an eating/exercise plan and lost even more weight. If you search for old pictures of her, she was fat as a teenager. I would say my weight loss journey has a similar timeline to hers; though I would also say that is where my similarity to Roseanne Barr ends.
Here's where it gets weird for me. When the internet was in an uproar about the racist things she said, people immediately resorted to calling her fat. I read comment after comment on articles about her firing full of hateful tirades about her body. I even had a friend (whom I would consider to be one of the more open-minded people I know) refer to her as a "fat slob of a woman". People's go-to insult to her was to call her fat despite the fact that she is currently taking care of her body.
This goes back to what I have said over and over again: fat-shaming is one of the last hold-outs in socially acceptable discrimination and hate. I read those words on my friend's post "fat slob of a woman" and they reverberated through my mind (and continue to do so almost a week later). It changed my perception of this person in an instant. This open-minded, forgiveness-promoting, Jesus-loving, caring person said "fat slob of a woman". No one even mentioned that choice of words in the comments on that post. I was disappointed and hurt, but I kept my commentary to myself. I have learned through therapy that I am quick to fight another person's battle, but not so quick to do so for myself.
This brings to the forefront another aspect of fat-shaming that people seem to forget. If they will use this language to insult another person, it also applies to me and is also an insult to me. I can presume, that if in the future there is some heated exchange between someone like this and myself, that my size (former or current) would be hurled in my face as an insult, or used behind my back. You cannot use those words and then follow them up with "of course I'm not talking about you, Mary". Because yes you are. In the same way that you cannot use the "N-word" to refer to a specific person and not also imply that you would use that word to apply to all black people. In the same way that you cannot call one homosexual a "faggot", and insist that your hate speech isn't sweeping across the gay community in entirety.
Around a week ago, I was a witness to an entire conversation about someone else's body and recent weight gain. Disbelief that they had let themselves get so big despite the exercise they were known to typically participate in. Nonchalant commentary about how unhappy they must be to "allow" themselves to be in such a predicament. Speculation about the reasons why this happened. I failed at defending them against these comments or at expressing my sadness that this group of people would be like that in the first place. I picked up my phone and zoned out into another world and remained silent.
Well, I'm fucking sick of it and have arrived at a moment of clarity. If I would call someone out for being racist, or sexist, or misogynistic, or anti-gay, or anti-poor, or what-the-fuck-ever else, then I should be equally ready to go to battle for someone fat-shaming another person in front of me. I mean, I know why I don't. I don't want to immediately be the target of the same insults. I don't want to single myself out. But the thing is, if you would say that about someone else in front of me, you would say that about me to someone else. If you hate fat people enough to talk about another person's body like that, you definitely feel the same way about this fat person sitting right in front of you.
I am not going to claim innocence throughout my lifetime. I have spoken very hatefully about fat bodies in the past. Those words were directed at myself 99% of the time. Self-deprecating humor is the fat chick's instant back pocket joke. Here, let me point out all of my perceived flaws and laugh about them before you have the opportunity to point them out and laugh at me instead. Being a fat girl, I also gave myself lenience in commenting on fat people in general. Almost in a "I can speak for this community because I am part of this community" sort of way. I have commented on other people's diets and weight loss attempts in the past, which mostly came from a place of self-loathing that I couldn't be successful at losing weight myself. I can hold a mirror up to my flaws. I am self-aware if nothing else.
I have realized it was just as wrong of me as it was for anyone else. This is a commitment I am making to myself to reclaim my space and my voice. To learn to view my body more positively despite what a lot of people and society in general constantly projects about fat bodies. I am reclaiming the word "fat". It is just a description of my body, similar to thin, or petite, or tall, or broad. It doesn't equate to ugly or disgusting or some sort of failure. It is just an adjective. If you call me a "fat slob of a woman", I am going to take issue with the word "slob". I am fat. I have fat. But that doesn't make me less.
So to anyone reading this, this is fair notice. I am absolutely standing up for myself (and anyone who is the butt of the current fat joke) from now on. You can look me square in the eyes and say whatever hurtful shit you feel comfortable dishing to my face. But I will no longer silently sit by and try to make myself look smaller while you critique another person's body in their absence. I don't expect my future responses to this sort of behavior will be very kind. May the odds be ever in your favor.
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