On the one hand, it solves some of the physical problems morbidly obese people have. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, type II diabetes, joint pain, etc are all alleviated for most within the first year, some within months. The rapid weight loss really does make that big of a difference physically.
I remember that the year my husband and I had surgery, we went on vacation with my family about three months later out west. At that point, we had probably lost half of the weight we needed to lose (and would lose over the course of the next year or so). But even with that small of a change, it was like night and day for us.
We went to Arches National Park in Moab, Utah as part of the trip. My mom, step-dad, aunt, and cousin were with us. I remember this distinctly because we decided that we were going to do a one mile round trip hike to one of the scenic views. One mile is not that far, but at an elevation of over 4,000 feet, the air is thinner, and it can be harder to breathe. The hike was relatively flat, and not much to it.
My mom, step-dad, and aunt turned back within a quarter of a mile. All were current or former smokers and my aunt has a bum foot (she broke it several years ago). My cousin turned back at about the halfway point (she is 14 years younger than us). My husband and I were the only ones who completed the hike. In jeans. In May.
We weren't huge sweat balls. We weren't out of breath. We saw the view point, took some photos, and walked back. It was probably the first time that we both realized we weren't the morbidly obese couple anymore. We were just another couple enjoying the view. The fact that it was so much easier meant everything to both of us. We could actually do things like this now and enjoy things we had always wanted to do.
Gastric sleeve saved our lives. I have no doubts about that. He no longer has acid reflux. His blood pressure is normal. It was so high at the doctor in the past that they questioned whether he needed to go to the ER. I am no longer taking Metformin for pre-diabetes. I am off my cholesterol medication. And interestingly, I don't even have as many migraines. In hindsight, I think I had a lot of food triggers I was just unaware of.
We are able to exercise together, walking mostly. We go to the zoo even when it is hot outside and it isn't a big deal. We actually get cold. I have never had to prepare for a social event by making sure I take a sweater. It was always making sure I didn't sweat, because then I was the sweaty fat person. You feel like it just calls more attention to yourself.
If anything, we just blend in like normal people. People don't stare at us for being the fat couple, nor do they purposefully ignore us for the same reason. I don't see the judgmental looks from strangers, at least not about my weight. I still get looks about my tattoos or my tongue ring, but I guess people have to have something to judge.
So, in summary, to say I am an advocate for gastric sleeve changing your life would be the understatement of the year. Any friend, family member, stranger, whomever I see in life struggling with the same battles I did, I would recommend it. It's a do-over. Another chance to get it right.
But it is not fail proof. You can stretch your stomach back out to hold more food. You can eat really fattening foods in really small quantities consistently throughout the day. You can gain the weight back. But it is a very powerful tool to help you change your life.
My therapist is on the fence about it for a very good reason. Because although gastric sleeve does help you make all of these wonderful and positive changes in your life, it does not fix your relationship with food. And in a way, the restrictions you have after gastric sleeve limit your ability to change your relationship with food on your own by your own choices.
I get what she's saying. I also know myself enough to know that if I was struggling with trying to treat and resolve binge eating disorder while simultaneously being morbidly obese, I don't think it would work. My coping mechanism was to eat. Dredging up all of this old heavy shit from your past makes you want to reach out for that coping mechanism.
I guess I am cheating the system in a way because I literally cannot binge anymore. If I even tried to eat the portion of food that comes from a typical restaurant meal, I would vomit because it is too much volume. The set of circumstances that even sent me to this doctor at this time are probably miniature binge eating disorder if anything.
It was more so about my thought processes about food. I was buying things at the store for myself that I knew my husband didn't like. In the back of my mind it was because I could eat all of it and he wouldn't know when it was gone or how much I had eaten of it. I was working all day and not drinking hardly any liquids because that meant I could have another snack instead.
Every time I go somewhere in the car, I still subconsciously think of every fast food establishment on the way. Previously, it would have been to plot a different course to pass the restaurant I wanted to stop by and get food. Even if I had already eaten. Even if I wasn't hungry. Now, I have to convince myself that I don't need to stop, I don't need any food, I am not hungry.
More often than not, I am able to pass by these days. But I have found myself eating chicken nuggets I didn't really need simply because Wendy's was on the way and I wanted the taste of the comfort food. I have found myself sickeningly full because I stopped for food when I wasn't actually hungry. And whether I stop or not, I am still running maps in my head of food on the way no matter when I get in the car or where I am going.
In essence, I am driving myself crazy. But my therapist has a point. I am not going to be able to ride out the recovery from this eating disorder in the way that a normal patient would. It is almost a cheat and a hindrance at the same time.
I remain hopeful that this is something I can work on to overcome. I know that I will probably spend a lifetime at odds with myself about food and what I am eating or not eating. But if I could just reach a point of some inner peace about it, I think that is all I am really looking for at the end of the day.
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