Just/Only

When I was in grade school, I remember a teacher (I believe it was in sixth grade) saying that she didn't want to hear us say "just" or "only" as a minimizer.  

"But, I just need one extra day for my project."
"I only asked if I could borrow a pencil."
"I just want to have class outside."

My cousin used to do this to the family when she was asking for an expensive present.  

"It's only $300."

The words don't diminish what you are asking of a teacher who deals with 12-year-olds all day long, nor does it make the $300 any more affordable.  The word is however an attempt at minimizing what you are saying.  I am not sure why it stuck with me.  But I found that I tried to eliminate it from the language I used.  I never wanted someone to think that I was attempting to disguise what I was truly asking of them.

It most recently came back to the forefront of my thoughts because of a comment from the nurse practitioner working with my anesthesiologist for my surgery last week.  They are trying a new protocol for post-surgical recovery utilizing an epidural port that stays in for the first few days after surgery instead of having a pain pump.  This means that you see your anesthesiologist every day rather than only immediately before your procedure.

I saw her (the nurse practitioner) every day of my stay.  She made rounds before the doctor came in so that the anesthesiologist would be prepared to just go ahead and make adjustments when they got there.  She was very informative and thorough and had answers to all of my questions.  She and this team have been working on this new epidural protocol for months to perfect it.

Essentially, the thought is that taking narcotics after surgery slows everything down.  That is why it is hard to get everything restarted (bowel and kidney function, etc).  In addition, it makes people unable to sleep, itchy, crazy, stupid, clumsy... the list goes on and on.  Lastly, there is a pretty big opioid addiction problem in the US at this point.  

The epidural only deadens a specifically targeted area of the body without the rest of these side effects.  I think it is pretty ingenious.  And although I was incredibly apprehensive about not having the pain pump with some pretty big incisions, I can say that it worked better than the dilaudid pump ever did.  I enjoyed the fact that I wasn't out of it and could actually sleep.

Which brings me to the point of this blog.  On the last day, I asked this nurse practitioner a question and she gave me an intelligent explanation (like she had to all of my other questions).  And she followed it with, "but I'm just a nurse practitioner."

It didn't even register to me at the time what she had said, or the implications of it.  I woke up at 4 am two days later at home in my own bed and the statement ran through my mind suddenly again.  I'm just a nurse practitioner.

How many times have I as a woman in a professional capacity been the most knowledgeable one in the room and minimized myself exactly in the way she did with that one statement?

"But I'm no expert."
"I'm just the setup person."

I think I have effectively eliminated this from the language I use regarding what I ask of other people.  I don't want to misconstrue or minimize what they will need to contribute.  But I have not done the same thing in the language I use about myself.  I still minimize myself, or my knowledge about something, or my experience.  I know I am not the only one because I hear it from women in my industry (and in general) all the time.

I wanted to go through my hospital record, find her name, and send a card of thanks for the very thorough and informative care I received from her.  I also wanted to tell her, "Don't ever say you are just a nurse practitioner."  You should never minimize what you do or what you know.  Be the expert in the room and own it.

The only "only" you should ever give yourself is in, "I'm only human."  And it is not ever a minimizer.